Being Trans is Weird

     As I hope I've made abundantly clear, I am not cisgender or straight. I am, in fact, a trans woman. My name is Alti, and I go by She/Her and It/Its pronouns. Being trans is a weird experience and naturally comes with a lot of strange moments. (To clarify: I'm not saying being trans is weird, I'm saying the experience is.) I am also an Ace Demiromantic Omnisexual Lesbian. I'm also a Demigirl. I'm all the way fucked up.

    Being trans comes with a lot of hate and unjustified stupidity directed towards us. Me and my community are constantly being subjected to insults, bullying, and actual violence. I am constantly told I am a bad person for just being who I am. (Welcome to reason #1 for depression). I have been told to kill myself, I've been called slurs, I've been told to repent. I especially hate that last one. 

    As an atheist, I used to be fine with religion. But now that people tell me I'm going to be tortured for eternity and to repent because of my identity, I hate religion right back. I like to think hate doesn't justify hate, but this is totally justified. I hate religion more than anything, especially people who try to push it down my throat or use it to justify violence. That is all I've ever known religion to be, especially Christianity. I thought they were supposed to "Love thy neighbor" but apparently not. If they did, they wouldn't tell me to die because I'm trans. These people aren't real Christians, they're just using their religion as an excuse to hate. Real Christians support my community, they accept us with open arms. But most of them just don't. As long as you don't hate me and say you accept me and say that I wont be tortured for eternity, we'll get along just fine. I still don't like religion no matter what, but I accept and support it in the world. That's the difference between us and them.

    Now we can talk about the fun stuff. Like how my parents are actual idiots. Their child is trans and they somehow have no fucking idea. It really is very sad, seeing as I'm making it super obvious. They just think I'm their 'son' who 'cross-dresses'. I wore a skirt to prom, I wear hairbows everyday, I genuinely have no idea how they don't know. I have made art with the trans flag multiple times, most of my characters are female. Sometimes I think I'm somehow the smartest in my house, and that's just because the bar is so low. They're not even transphobic, they're just so slow. When I come out I think I may actually have to spell it out to them. 

    I do love wearing traditionally feminine clothing because I find it so freeing. It's not perfect seeing as my voice, face, and body are still masculine, but for a moment I can ignore that. For a moment I can ignore all my problems and just enjoy my clothes for once. 

    Looking in the mirror is just torture. My face doesn't feel like mine. My face isn't mine. Being called he or my dead name just makes me want to scream at whoever said it. But I can't blame them because they don't know. No matter how much I want to scream "Alti" or "She" I can't. Not until I come out. But I don't know how to come out because I don't know how to express emotion with my voice. In writing, it's easy, but saying it out loud is terrifying. I've built my reputation as a sarcastic, unserious person in the real world, so that makes it difficult.

    This post is all over the place, but I don't have an editor because I don't show this to anyone, so you just have to deal with it. Anyway look at this cat.

This is AJ. He is, as you can probably tell, fat. There's really no way around it, he is just a fat cat. With a name like AJ for a cat, what can you expect? He loved headbutting people, that's really all he would do. He got mad when you tried to play with him because he's weird or something. He was, as a rightful orange cat, stupid as well. He stayed with us for two or three weeks and I just got to sit with him and get headbutted every five seconds. I don't know why people were so reluctant to adopt him, every time I came in I would be surprised he was still there. I celebrated when he was finally adopted because he truly deserved it. 

Sidenote: Omnisexual means that you are pansexual with preference. 

        Sidenote to the sidenote: Pansexual means not caring what gender someone is, they like them no matter what

Sidenote #2 (3?): Demiromantic means that I have to get to know someone well and be friends with them before I like them (AKA torture)

Sidenote #3: Asexual or Ace means that I don't feel physical attraction, only emotional.

Sidenote #4: I identify as lesbian because I have a heavy preference for women.

Sidenote #5: Demigenders are people who identify as a gender, but not fully. For example as a demigirl, I identify as female, but not completely therefore the addition of It/Its pronouns.

Sidenote #6: I feel I didn't swear nearly enough in this post. Lemme fix that real quick. Fuck religion, it's bullshit. I feel better, don't you?